On the first day of my summer vacation...

So about 3 weeks ago I sent a letter to FEMA (printed in a previous post) asking them to stop sending us money after hurricanes. Well, they called me at my office today. I hate talking on the phone, so I let them leave a message. I am pondering on whether or not I shold call them back. The letter was probably forwarded to their "Disgruntled Retiree With a Lot of Free Time" department. I am thinking that if I call them back the conversation could go one of three ways:

1. Thank you for your concern, Mr. Gifford, your request has been noted and we will consider your comments if time permits.

2. Thank you for your concern, Mr. Gifford, we now realize your superior level of intellect and we would like to offer you the position of Grand High Exhaulted Mystic Ruler of FEMA.

3. Thank you for your concern, Mr. Gifford, thanks to The Patriot Act your name is now on a governemnt watch list and your phone and email are being closely monitored.

4. Thank you for your concern, Mr. Gifford, we now realize and fear your superior level of intellect so we have requested that Pat Robertson add you to his assassination list.

I will ponder the thought of retunring the call and keep everyone informed.

I have just entered my third year as a Florida resident and my second year teaching at a state funded educational institution. Because of these two facts I have decided that this would be my year to start getting involved with state and federal politics. My excitement about this new venture was so profound that I could hardly contain myself. The first step on my journey was to exercise my right as a citizen and write to Congress regarding some of the maladies that I have seen with our government. My first written correspondence outlined my disdain for the increased Florida minimum wage and summarized the negative impacts that such a price control can exude on our economy. I decided to run the letter through my letter and purge any evidence form my laptop lest I suffer the same fate as Jan Hall. After all, it could be said that my view on the minimum wage are discriminatory against the younger students in my class who are working at lower paying jobs. I love my job, so I didn’t want to see a suspension in my future. After some thinking I went through and eliminated all traces of the other letters I was going to send as well. I don’t think FEMA should send any relief money to Florida, but if I sent that letter I would be discriminating any of my students who have lived through a hurricane. My third letter surly would have sent me hurdling towards unemployment because its contents showed my outward resistance to post-hurricane price controls. That letter would have discriminated against ALL of my students. So I guess I’ll just give up on this who politics and free speech thing and stick to activities that won’t threaten my career like passive-aggressive mumbling in a dark room.

Adam Gifford
Economics Instructor
Lake-Sumter Community College

So it has been a while since I said anything bad about the MBA program at Rollins. Here is something that I wrote during my last semester of the "accelerated" program. Mind you that I had time to write this WHILE I was taking 4 classes and WHILE I was teaching 3 classes and WHILE I was working on a freelance writing project and WHILE I was able to make it out to the pool everyday to work on my grad school tan. If you are not familiar with the Bud Light Real Men of Genius commercials then this will make no sense to you at all...

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(real men of genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Non-challenging MBA Professor
(Mr. Non-challenging MBA Professor)
You teach us what we need to know…the cost drivers for the ferrets living at Miskatonic University (Barbarian Sword!)
Some students can valuate a company, some can barely determine operating income...that’s OK though, they’ll all get 97.5 on their project.
(Half way between 95 and 100!)
The competition is fierce, but you can handle it. Up against the likes of Nova Southeastern, University of Phoenix, and Guam College...what have they got that you don’t…online courses.
(I thank God for the Internet!)
So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Earl of Unemployment. You put the “B” in MBA…and the “umm” back in Crummer.
(Mr. Non-challenging MBA Professor)

So the Orlando Sentinel wouldnt print my letter to FEMA unless I readdressed it as a letter to the editor. I guess that sarcasm is a bit too high brow for their readership. Maybe I should have just drawn pictures to make my point.

I sent this to the Sentinel today...let's see if they put it to print.

Dear FEMA,

I am writing to formally request that you eliminate any plans to send funds to the residents of Florida after this year’s imminent hurricane season. Please consider this a request for all future years as well. I would like to purchase a home here in central Florida and I am unable to purchase one that is to my liking. I am a teacher, and although my salary is quite generous (despite what most of us would have the public believe) it is still not enough to afford the home that is to my liking. One of the main reasons that the prices of these homes are so high is because you insist on using tax-payer money to subsidize the risk of living in Florida. Basically, you make living through hurricanes easy for us by using other people’s money. My parents who live up in Pennsylvania subsidized my housing for the first 22 years of my like; I really don’t think that it’s fair to make them continue this subsidy through their federal taxes. You see, if we Floridians were forced to bear the full burden of our choice to live in a hurricane ravished part of the country then fewer of us would stay. If fewer of us would stay (and even fewer would want to move here) then, of course, the demand for housing would decrease and so would the price. Please help me to live out the American dream and purchase a home of my own.

Thank you,
Adam Gifford
Economics Instructor
Lake-Sumter Community College